Blog - Monday, January 18, 2010
Rumor has it...there are nasty feet lurking nearby
First of all, I know who started this rumor, ME! Yep, I did. And I'm not about to sit here and act like I didn't or be shy about it either. I figure since I had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing the nasty feet with my own two eyes, you, yes you should have to to listen to me explain why I was wishing for temporary blindness a few nights back.
Alright Ladies, I understand it's winter here in Michigan. There's snow on the ground and it's extremely cold outside. A lot of you are bundling up from head to toe and waiting patiently from the weather to break. This means warm scarves, mittens and FAB new boots. But does that mean you can totally neglect your feet until the spring thaw? I think not!
Here's what happened. I was hanging at the bar with my girlfriends, the whole girl's night out thingy, when...all of a sudden I was attacked, ok maybe not attacked, but assaulted nonetheless by the worst pair of nasty feet I have ever seen in my life. I'm talking crusty, broken toenails, ridiculously chipped polished, yellow looking, thick toenails, and blistered feet. I almost dropped my Cosmo, almost. This woman had her gross feet propped up in a chair on display for everyone (the weak stomached too) to see, as if they were the prettiest feet on earth. I was scared. Oh and don't let me forget about how cracked and dried out her heels were as they hung over the backside of her chunky heeled, plastic front, open-toe, too small mules, ewww. Did I say EWWW! Now, everyone already knows where I stand on shoes that don't fit, DON'T WEAR THEM! I repeat, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT WEARING THEM! Though, I'm sure that changing that one little detail wouldn't have helped the situation one bit.
What's worse than too small shoes is how I feel about unkempt feet, GO GET A PEDICURE, NOW! It is not fair, just, or right in any sense of the word to punish, yes I said punish all of us perfectly innocent people by forcing us to view your disgusting feet in a public setting. Or in private for that matter. You never know when you may have the opportunity to show-off your lil' piggies so lets try to make sure they're clean and presentable, please. Because if they're not you may end up with someone like me scrutinizing them or some unsuspecting bystander regurgitating their lunch all over them. Or like the other night, a tipsy (drunk) patron might scream out "What the _____!", when he sees how bad your feet really are. Not a good way to become the topic of conversation. And her reaction, embarrassment. So, save yourself and run to the spa for a nice soak and foot massaging, clean up your act pedicure.
OK, you get the picture. And I understand completely if you can not afford a pedicure right now. Or maybe you're just not as high maintenance as I am, but the least you can do is take good care of your feet yourself. Cut and file your toenails on a regular basis. No woman should have broken, jagged toenails. Remove or change your chipped polish, that's just plain laziness. I can see a little chipping might occur sometimes and it can be overlooked, but half of your nail bed, really? Hey sloth, get up and get the remover. Then take a long bath and soak your feet, no one likes cracked, dried and crusty heels. Lotion works just great after adding some moisture to your soles. Plus, there are dozens of cheap do-it-yourself pedicure products in the drugstores these days. You really don't have any excuses left now, do you?!
Oh, I know what you are thinking, no ones feet can be that bad. But hers were. One of my girlfriends said that they (Nasty feet) reminded her of a quote from one of her favorite comedians, John Pinette. It went something like this, "They told me to go to the spa and get a pedicure, but they (THE SPA) wouldn't take me, instead a Vet (veterinarin) clipped me outside." Yep, her feet were that bad.
So, from one shoe addict to another please don't go out in public with open toe shoes and nasty feet. No one wants to see that.
Fabulous flats, sensational sandals, wonderful wedges, glamorous gladiators, and super sexy stilettos should be smiled upon and will only look great on pretty, pampered feet. With that said, I'm off to the spa, since even the tech there knows the only reason I come is so my feet look great in all my FAB heels, like you didn't already guess that. I'm fine with it though 'cause It's a Shoe Thang!
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